Gender isnt real.
I know, I know: “but it’s on my birth certificate, it’s on every questionnaire, every survey.” Well what’s actually referred to as gender on many an official document is known as sex.
The distinction between sex and gender is something that many aren’t, but should be aware of. Sex is the orientation that we are all assigned at birth, given to us according to our reproductive organs and chromosomes. It is the differences between what is female, what is male, and what is intersex. We get people who are assigned female at birth (afab) and people who are assigned male at birth (amab).
Gender on the other hand is not something that can exist in the strict confines of sex. It’s not something that’s distinguishable in the physical traits of a person or their personality. So what is gender exactly? Gender is the socially constructed roles, behaviours, expressions and identities of women, men and gender diverse people. It is a social construct. Unlike the 3 sexes, there approximately 52 different genders.
In the history of our people; white women were afforded to be the gentle and delicate feminine that society says women should be. Women of colour on the other hand were required to be more strong and independent. They were told they had to suffer and go through enormous hardships, they were never allowed delicate femininity. Therefore, womanhood in society’s context, is something that only white women had the privilege of experiencing.
Gender roles have never applied to people of colour and more especially women of color. This is one of the first signs that clearly show we can’t say that gender and sex are the same thing. The gender binary has always been something that could be stretched and manipulated to apply differently to people of different ethnic groups, race, age and even social status. So one may ask themselves, why does our entire society hinge on something that seems to be quite fragile?
I digress, this is not a philosophical think-peace. Instead this is an entry on the qualms of gender when you are queer, the questions that arise in our minds, gender euphoria and gender dysphoria; all from the perspective of a non binary afab.
I have always questioned womanhood, and I know I am not alone. Growing up we were told that womanhood came with the ability to bleed (your period), your vagina, your breasts, womanhood came with kindness and empathy and softness. However as I grew up I realized that there are men who have vaginas, men who have breasts, women who didn’t get their period. I learned that there were women who didn’t want to have children or couldn’t have children; this didn’t make them any less of a woman. The same applies to men, there are men who have the physical ability to have children and this doesn’t take away from their masculinity.
When you are queer, you’re exposed to a world where the norms of society never really apply, sometimes not at all. We live in a world where men can carry children for their wives, where people can get pregnant without a male’s sperm. We live in a world of neopronouns and top surgery; gender roles and norms do not apply for us.
When you’re queer, gender is not a solid concept. It’s not as identifiable as race, it’s not as distinguishable as tea and coffee, it’s an abstract. Gender is very much like the nouns love, fear, joy; it’s something intangible and it comes in many different forms. When you start thinking of gender as what it is, a fantasy, you set yourself free in unfathomable ways.
I see gender like it’s a piece of clothing; it changes on a daily basis. Sometimes I wear a red shirt, another day I might wear a dress, another day a jean. What I mean by this is that on other days I might be a boy, others a girl, on others I might be both and on other days I might be neither. Who really knows?
That is what gender is for me- fluid. I am fluid in my gender identity and sometimes (very rarely) in my gender expression. I don’t exist in the strict confines of gender that society has given us. This the reality of millions of people on our planet; and therefore it’s important that we all take the time to educate ourselves on gender issues.
These are some articles I think can help those who wish to learn more about gender diversity:
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