Lesedi
Ade used to do this thing; he would ask me to do things for him when his girlfriends were in the house. Sometimes it would be simple things, I'd fetch him an extra pillow because I was on my feet anyway, or he'd have me take their dishes to the kitchen. Sometimes I'd pour them wine as they had dinner, or paint the girl's nails for him, or wash his sheets when things got messy. Other times, when the girls had gotten comfortable or when they were drunk or high enough; he would want me to help him undress his latest girlfriend, or he would make me watch them have sex, after which he'd make me rate the girl. "Lesedi, what do you think of her?" "What would you give this one Lesedi?" The girls would laugh, some would be visibly uncomfortable, but no one ever complained.
I know why he did it; it was his way of reminding everyone in the room that they weren't that special, that they were just for the moment. He would always say "it's best to enjoy what I bring while I'm still here". Ade liked telling people that he wasn't a constant, he comes and goes, bringing joy in the moment and leaving pain that lasts. I didn't mind being a tool in the games he played with people, it made me feel closer to him. It was something I felt was very important, that Ade wanted to share these most intimate moments with me. it made me feel like I was better than those girls, because Ade and I had an inside joke: these girls were just bodies, replaceable, I was who he shared intimate moments with.
The girls were mostly very troubled, low self esteem and no self confidence, they were girls he'd met at campus bangers or clubs or taverns. Girls who he'd make feel special for a few weeks, after which he'd be able to get away with murder. They almost always looked the same, with similar personalities. To Ade, they were easily exchangeable and easily expendable.
Sometimes he would find a girl who was idolised by everyone, someone who was confident, intelligent and kind; someone like Ruth or Mixo. He called them his special projects, he loved 'humbling' these girls, driving them crazy, destroying their confidence and reputations. He enjoyed doing this. For him, watching these girls crumble, begin to chase him, and eventually turn obsessed was immense fun.
After a few weeks, he'd get bored of one and find another one. Sometimes he would be seeing multiple at the same time, he would say the risk made adrenaline rush through his veins. When he got bored of lying to them, he'd start being brutally honest with them; let them find out about each other. After which he'd watch them rip each other apart. He enjoyed being able to toy with other people's emotions, he enjoyed watching people dance as he pulled the strings; it made him feel powerful. To Ade, the world was just one big puppet show, and he was the puppet master.
When Ade first started dating Ayo, there was a part of me that hoped she would be different. Look at the material: she was confident, smart, and she had a life outside of Ade's usual circles. She was in a league of her own, Ade was fascinated by her. While Ade was pursuing her, she mostly ignored him, she took his gestures as kindness, and seemed to not care for his money or validation. So he became infatuated with her, grew to want her approval (it was usually the other way around). He chased her for a few weeks, somewhere along the line she fell into his entrapments. Their relationship, as I have previously mentioned, caught a lot of people by surprise. It was so rushed, and it escalated so quickly! Ayo was nothing like the girls Ade had dated before, and at first that's what he liked about her. Eventually though, he started to resent her for it. It was like suddenly, he realised that she was too good for him, so he decided that he would tear her down to his level.
I was standing outside the door, at Ayo's birthday party. I heard her scream as Ade hit her, I heard her asking him stupid questions, I heard her muffled crying and his groans of frustration. While standing there, listening, I started feeling guilty so I knocked on their door. When he ignored it, I knocked again. The look on his face when he opened the door was terrifying, but I had felt satisfaction in knowing that Ayo had seen it too- that look. When he looks at you like you're just meat, when the tenderness she'd become so accustomed to was gone and was replaced by the monster he could be, the monster I loved. I had let him go into that room so that Ayo would meet the monster too. I had hoped that after seeing him like that she would run. All the women before her had learned to either love, hate or fear the monster Ade was; I had hoped that Ayo would be the latter.
After she left the party, I didn't hear anything about her for a week. Ade went non-verbal, refusing to say anything to anyone that entire time. He would sit in his room, attend lectures, drive to and from campus, eat, cook, all in complete silence. This carried on for an entire week, until one day he came and sat next to me, "I thought I would be different this time," At a loss for words, I could only stare at him, "She was so beautiful and bright, and she made things look and sound so good and perfect and I thought that if she touched me, I would be good too you know? And for a time, I was good, wasn't I?" He looked at me then, eyes expectant, I couldn't tell him that I had seen through his act of playing the perfect man for Ayo, I couldn't tell him that I had known it was only a matter of time. So, I lied, "You were good."
"I was really good. And then, she just had to embarrass me Lesedi. How could she do that to me, in front of all those people. Does she think she's too good for me? So, I snapped, it was just a moment. I broke, for a bit, but I'm sure that if she came back, I could be good again. I want her back Lesedi, I miss her so much. This place is not the same without her you know,"
Hearing him say that broke my heart. I thought: 'How could he say these things to me? How could he tell me that Ayo had left a hole in him that I couldn't fill? How could he say that he wanted her when I was right there?'
Still, I yielded, I pushed him. I told him that he must do a grand gesture. 'Girls love those'- I remember saying. I told him that she was probably staying with her parents, he should go there with flowers and a poem, and beg for her to come back. It would be the first time Ade would beg for anything, ever, in his life. He was a prideful man, so I banked on him not wanting to do it. However, I was surprised to see him shower, get dressed, get his car keys, and leave. Hours went by, and I thought that maybe he was out drinking.
When he came back, he was back to his normal self. He was chipper and would talk to me and make conversation. When I asked about Ayo he would evade my questions and chuckle. He would spend hours in his room, on the phone. I was worried yes, but I figured he'd found a new hobby to occupy himself with, I didn't mind it. A few weeks went by, and Ade walked into our apartment with bags, Ayo in tow. You can imagine my disappointment, my shock. There she was, standing at the door, skin glowing as she beamed at me. I couldn't help but remember the last thing she said to me "did you know he would be like that Lesedi?" I could barely look her in the eye at that moment, but she just smiled. "Lesedi! It's been a while, how are you?" I muttered a small reply.
Ade, ever absorbed in his own world, had only stared at the two of us and said, "The band is back together". I couldn't believe Ayo would ever want to try again with Ade. If I was her, with all I had going for me, I wouldn't want to be with Ade. He's my best friend, but he's too wounded to love. He's messed up. I grew up with him, I've known him my entire life, so I love him more than anything in the world. If I was a stranger to him, however, I would stay as far away as I could from Ade Orifa.
However, there was Ayo. Ayo, who was supposed to be different. Ayo, who was supposed to be smart enough to not get back together with a man who hits her. There was Ayo, naive enough to come back to our house: where Ade and I lived. I thought her stupid for it, Ade was a monster yes, but I, the boy who loved him more than anything in this world, was worse. I was so much worse than him. When she decided to come back, I took it as her saying she was ready for more, for worse. She had decided that Ade hitting her was a mistake, a drunken fluke, but I would show her who he really was. Ade was constantly in costume around Ayo, walking on eggshells, treating like some fragile thing he couldn't stand to break; so, I would help him remove the costume. I would help him reveal his authentic self to Ayo. I figured that that was the only way she would leave him.
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